In the depths of Depression
In the depths of depression I dreamt of having a physical disease - embarrassing to admit but yet it makes sense given the pain I was in.
In the depths of depression I thought that death seemed like a good option. Makes no rational sense I know when I have an ever loving family but then depression is never rational.
In the depths of depression I took the pills the doctor prescribed even though I dreaded them and knew the answer lay elsewhere. I was right as they numbed me so I experienced no joy and no pain – just numb which is no way to be.
In the depths of depression I saw a psychiatrist but my mask was too much as I presented myself as being fine and knowing what to do. They were fooled and yet the pain continued.
The wound was deep that no medic would understand and boy did it make me seem weak and that was not something I would own. Me weak no way.
My answer to everyone was I am fine and yet the tears, the screams, the scariness continued until my body made me sleep . Little did I know that this was a call to healing myself.
What was the depression? Was it a result of the grief of losing a brother to drug addiction and the suffering that created or my dad dying just 3 months after my brother died.
Maybe it added to it but now I see that the depression was a call to embody the Feminine, a source of strength not weakness. A source of healing and love.
The connection to my heart, my body and nature was calling me all the time . When I answered it and looked at the wounds and finally opened up they could be alchemised as my gifts were awakened.
I found a circle of true love e and as they held, supported, loved me as the depression raged again. I saw that the depression was a portal to healing as I embodied my connection to nature.
